#37
Is lay ministry as characteristic of the culture of the church as the love and care he is experiencing?
After a few Sundays, he ventured inward from the fringe to see if he would be accepted. People talked with him. They included him in their little circles. Upon discovering that he was a visitor, one person offered to walk him to the refreshment table, then to the Information Center.
This was a different church culture. People were real. He was accepted. He was sure his new acquaintances truly cared. Before long he attended classes, reaffirmed his faith in Jesus Christ and joined the church.
Now that he’s “in” what will happen? Will the momentum of this church’s culture move him into doing a ministry as it moved him into membership? Are there Discover Your Ministry paths to follow with people who will accompany him through the process, like the person who walked him to the refreshment table? Is lay ministry as characteristic of the culture of the church as the love and care he is experiencing?
The church responded to his felt needs for love and acceptance. But if a church is to be all God calls it to be, it will also respond to the unfelt needs of its people by: One, learning what the Bible teaches about spiritual gifts, and two, equipping people to use those gifts. Children’s unfelt needs illustrate this. A child psychologist, being interviewed on a TV talk show, explained that children do not come to their parents complaining that their parents are not spending enough time with them. They do not ask for more quality time so they can develop into well-rounded adults. But parents who are alert to their children’s behavioral symptoms will see that is what they need.●
(Audio/Byeong) Dr. Melvin talks about the culture of church. What kind of culture of your organization or church? As we think the church has to respond to people’s felt-needs for love and acceptance. But if a church is to be all God calls it to be, it will also respond to the unfelt-needsof its people by: One, learning what the Bible teaches about spiritual gifts, and two, equipping people to use those gifts. This is a new concept and a new approach, UNFELT-NEED. Children’s unfelt-needs illustrate this. A child psychologist, being interviewed on a TV talk show, explained that children do not come to their parents complaining that their parents are not spending enough time with them. They do not ask for more quality time so they can develop into well-rounded adults. But parents who are alert to their children’s behavioral symptoms will see that is what they need. The behavioral symptoms are the key words for here and for me as well. For instance, once we get a winter jacket, we feel warmed. We needed a warm coat in the cold weather, but once we got it, it kept us warm. Just like that, sometimes we don’t realize what we need, that’s being loved for, being cared for, but once we get it, we realize “Aha… I needed it” That’s what I call unfelt-needs.
COMMENTS
in relation to This was a different church culture
Marie Parma, USA, says:
Continuing to expand on our PACE acronym brings us to the “C” for this issue. There are many qualities we could use for the “C” in PACE, but the one that most readily comes to my mind is “commitment.” The American Heritage Dictionary defines the root word “commit” in several ways: (1) to do, perform, (2) to entrust, (3) to pledge (oneself) to a position on some issue. I also discovered a statement by Mel Steinbron that I like.
“When it comes to lay pastoral care, God calls us to faithfulness (a synonym for commitment) in using the gifts He has given us for ministry.”
Taking both Dr. Melvin’s thoughts and definitions from dictionary, I have come up with my own meaning for commitment: accepting what has been entrusted to us and being faithful to it in all earnestness.” Commitment embodies strength of character.
What are our commitments as Lay Ministers? How can we check ourselves? Listed opposite are several commitments and ways to carry out those commitments. These were taken from a checklist made by the Lay Pastors of Hope Presbyterian Church in Minneapolis, MN, in October of 1991. They are still relevant to us today as we explore this area of PACE. Thank you for your commitment!■
Byeong, Melvin University, says:
How can they become a real people, real ministry, and have real relationship?
There were two kinds of churches: some churches have previewed the first book and waiting for my direct training. They are ready to accept what I am going to teach, to train them is happy because they are motivated half percent already, we can say first half done before my training session, so my function is to cover second half which means just make them to paradigm shift and rekindle into their heart, because they are really ready to do, to take an action. This is what I found myself. And other cases that they are not read book and just came to my class, so try to listen from the beginning, and they are not ready at all, just came because of pastor’s force to attend so I really have hard time to teach, train, equip and also tried to motivate those in front of me. Once they are previewed and came to my training, actually easy, but not ready at all and come to my training, I was difficult.
Mostly I am training them for two nights, I have decided it. Because when I go down to the rural churches, I don’t want them to give some burden for my stay there, so I bring my car, stay at just one night at hotel then I came back to my home in Seoul. Two evenings; we start 7 pm and finish 11-12 midnight, and next evening we complete around 11-12 midnight, then I could back to Seoul. Mostly rural church is not enough finance, they have to pay my meals a few times and hotel, also they pay my teaching. So I have done my job only in two nights. But when they are previewed, 80-85 percent motivated, but no previewed, only 50-60 percent motivated. So the former release their energy slowly, then mostly their ministry will be successful, but only 50-60 percent motivated people, as you guess, not succeed.■
ADDITIONAL COMMENT
by BYEONG
How does water reach its destination?: Anyway, the water finally reaches its final destination. If there is a rock, avoid it. Why? To arrive at the final destination. Likewise, when we choose something important, it is meant to guide us. And it flows like water and moves smoothly.
How can water reach its final point, sometimes a big ocean? In fact, I think there are two important concepts for smooth water flow: “Avoidance and Acceptance.” Two words. Avoidance and Acceptance.
What does ‘avoidance’ mean here? This means that it is better to avoid things that are not very important in our progress and that there is a possibility of discord. It is necessary to block what is not necessary to move forward more smoothly and effectively in the future.
In other words, if we have everything in our minds, if we have everything in our minds, if we accept everyone’s thoughts, all opinions, we cannot proceed as planned in the first place. Because they make us distracted and waste our energy by making our attention unnecessary. So we’d better avoid those things wisely. It’s an inevitable phenomenon, but the reality these days is too much to distract us.
And what does it mean to acceptance? We need to accept things that do not impede progress. Of course, it can’t be helped that there are many different ideas and different opinions. But we don’t have to fight those people. There is no need to spend our precious energy on such an argument. So we have to flow as smoothly as water, accepting what we don’t really need. As if the water flows, branches and swords are just passing through. And we accept that we don’t have to say no. In other words, even if it is continuous, it should be done wisely. There are leaders who are too sensitive to small things, and furthermore, they expand themselves to create obstacles to progress, which I think is unwise.
As we know, the water flows and finally reaches its final destination. Avoid rocks in the process, and just go through what you can.
Likewise, once you start your ministry, it should flow like water, but what about causing a lot of disruption! Principle: Avoid obstructing our progress. That is how resistance is reduced to a minimum. There are only two choices ahead of us: Avoidance or Acceptance.
The same was true of the establishment of Melvin University in Kenya. The necessary finances did not matter. On the other hand, our minds, the little things around us, and the problems of our personal lives have made it difficult to proceed. That’s why we have to let it flow like water. Then such resistance will be diminished, and it can be easily passed by any obstruction, opposition, or even resistance from our close colleagues. Finally, our vision is to come true.
두가지 마인드 (mindset)
나는 얼마 전에 우리 학생들께 책 한 권으로 강의도 하고 또 숙제도 낸 적이 있다. 그것은 바로 미국 스탠퍼드대 심리학과 캐롤 웩 박사(Dr. Carol Dweck)가 쓴 Mindset이라는 책이었다. 이 책은 나에게도 배움을 주었기에 학생들께도 나누고 싶었던 것이었다.
이 책의 주요 개념은 모든 것이 우리의 마음가짐, 즉 우리가 자신을 어떻게 생각하느냐에 달려 있다는 것이었다. 그녀는 스탠포드 대학에서 많은 학생을 연구했는데 두 종류의 학생들을 보았다는 것이다. 한 그룹은 지적인 면이 특출했는데 그들이 스탠포드에 입학할 때에는 정말 선두주자였다. 또 다른 그룹은 그저 평범했고 특히 지적 능력이 그렇게 뛰어난 학생들이 아니었다는 것이다.
하지만 흥미롭게도 시간이 지남에 따라 첫 번째 그룹, 지적 능력이 뛰어났던 학생들은 천천히 뒤로 밀리면서 결국 그들은 상위권에서 중위권으로 머무르게 되더라는 것이다. 하지만 두 번째 그룹은 자신들의 단점을 극복하기 위해 열심히 노력하더니 결국 성장했고 마침내 그 반에서 선두그룹이 되더라는 것이다.
캐롤교수의 결론은“우리의 마음가짐이 우리의 삶에 정말 중요하다”는 것이다. 그 책은 대부분이 우리의 사고방식에 관해 이야기하고 있다. 사실 나는 과거에 ‘마음가짐’이라는 용어를 사용한 적이 없었는데, 사실 모든 것은 우리의 마음가짐에 달려 있다는 것을 재확인했다.
나중에 캐롤 박사는 지적인 학생들이 자신들의 높은 지적 수준을 너무 많이 믿고, 그것에만 의존한다는 것을 발견했고, 그것을 Fixed Mindset이라고 불렀고, 그 다음 학생들은 스스로 노력하는 것이 그런 수준으로부터 벗어나는 방법이라고 생각했기 때문에 열심히 공부했다는 것이었다. 그래서 그것을 Growth Mindset이라고 명명하였다.
그렇다고 이것이 우리 모두는 멍청해야 한다는 것이 아니라, 노력하면 가능해진다는 의미를 강조했다고 본다.
우리는 아직도 우리 자신, 우리의 정보만을 믿고 있는 것은 아닐까? 그게 전부인가? 높은 지능을 가지고 태어나는 것, 최고의 지능을 가지고 태어나는 것은 사실 전혀 문제가 되지 않는다. 그것은 어쩌면 은혜이다. 그러니 문제는 우리가 어떻게 사고방식을 가지고 있느냐가 관건이다. 어떻게 생각하고 있는가가 우리의 일상생활을 위해서도 중요하고 미래를 위해서도 중요하다고 본다.
이런 측면에서 본다면 I.Q는 너무 제한적이라는 생각이 든다. 그것은 지적인 것에만 촛점을 두기 때문이라고 본다. 한국은 사대주의 사상때문인지 어릴때 부터 공부를 잘해야 된다고 주지시켜 왔다. 그러나 세상을 살아가는 데에는 그것과 더불어 감성(EQ/Emotional), 지구력 (AQ/Adversity) 같은 것도 무시할 수는 없다. IQ는 공부에는 전적으로 필요하다. 고등학교, 대학교, 대학원, 등등에서 좋은 학교에 들어가기 위해서는 어쩔수 없다. 그러나 우리 인생 전체를 놓고 볼 때에 그것만이 다는 아니다. 만약 그렇다면 그런 사람들이 다 성공하고 다 잘 살아야되는데 그렇지 않은 것이 사실이다. 결국 우리의 삶에 이 두가지는 (Fixed OR Growth mindset) 항상 존재하는데, 이 둘 중에 하나의 선택은 우리 자신 개개인에게 달려있다고 본다.●